In marriage, it’s natural to have some level of jealousy, but when a spouse feels trapped by it, this is a sign that the marriage will suffer.
Watch Sr. Haleh explaining how to avoid jealousy by agreeing on guidelines regarding gender relations and honoring each other.
Learn what may lead to your spouse’s insecurities and find out how you may be contributing to their jealousy.
About Haleh
Haleh Banani has a Master degree in Clinical Psychology with 20 years of experience working with couples and individuals. She was a featured expert on Al-Jazeera international, Huda TV, Islamic Open University, Mercy Mission and Bayinnah TV.
She does skype therapy sessions with people from around the world saving marriages, building self-esteem & helping individuals in all their relationships.
We all experience varying degrees of difficulty and challenges in life. But sometimes, prolonged hardships or trials like chronic or major illness, difficulty with family members, and financial struggles, begin to take a toll on our faith and relationship with Allah Almighty; testing our resilience and strength of faith.
Generally, routine hardships have a lesser effect on a person’s relationship with their Creator, but why?
The key difference is that an extended hardship becomes tiring – requiring patience that can be difficult to put into practice – that’s why it is so rewarding.
If someone is waiting long enough to pass through hardship, they may start to wonder whether Allah Almighty loves them or whether He is listening to their duas (supplications).
On the other hand, if hardship is short-term, a person may see the answer to their duas more quickly; eliminating room for doubt.
It goes without saying that 2020 has been a difficult year on a global level. Here in the US, COVID-19 continues to spread, devastating families and livelihoods; protests have erupted due to racial injustice and police brutality, and natural disasters continue to devastate eastern and western regions. On top of that, it is an election year – creating anxiety about the outcome.
Many are wondering how long these hardships will continue; and looking toward 2021, fearing little relief in sight.
Whether hardship is affecting a single-family or, impacting billions of people, how can exercising patience and faith help us cope?
As always, the answers we seek are in the Qu’ran. Allah Almighty says:
And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient, who, when disaster strikes them, say, “Indeed we belong to Allah, and indeed to Him, we will return.” Those are the ones upon whom are blessings from their Lord and mercy. And it is those who are the [rightly] guided. (Surah Al-Baqarah 2:155-157.)
This ayah (verse) serves as a reminder of what Allah Almighty has already told us; that we will be tested throughout our lives with hardships – so we should not be surprised by them – after all, this world isn’t Jannah (paradise).
What Does it Mean to Be Patient?
The above ayah also provides a clear instruction on how to show patience (since this can often seem like a vague concept). Allah Almighty says that when the patient ones are struck by disaster, they say, “Indeed we belong to Allah, and indeed to Him, we will return.”
This means acknowledging our lives are under the control of Allah Almighty, and remembering that this life is temporary – that ultimately, we will be returned to Allah Almighty.
Further, the ayah reminds us that, those who exercise patience in times of hardship are blessed and guided by Allah Almighty.
Normally, people tend to think that if they are hit with hardships as severe as fear, hunger, and loss, that it means they are cursed rather than blessed. But Allah Almighty clarifies that these people are receiving blessings and mercy from their Lord and are rightly guided.
This shows that going through difficulty does not mean that a person has fallen out of Allah Almighty’s favor or that He loves them any less; on the contrary, they can show patience and display their strength of faith.
This does not mean that we should ask for hardships to befall us or celebrate when they do. We should still ask Allah Almighty to grant us ease. However, when a problem inevitably arises in life, we should seek help in patience and prayer, as stated in the Quran (2:153).
O you who have believed, seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, Allah is with the patient.
Pointlessness of Comparing Hardships
Lastly, we should keep in mind that comparisons are pointless and only serve to harm us. In this world of social media, we have to be extra careful not to compare our lives with those of others.
It might seem like some people have perfect lives while we are struggling with hardships, but the truth is that everyone has problems and experiences pain.
The reason why it might not seem like this online is that people generally like to share the positives of their life with strangers and acquaintances, not the negatives; only those closest to them see the challenges they are going through – offline.
So don’t compare yourself with anyone else or pray to have what they have; you never know what someone else is secretly going through.
May Allah Almighty protect us all from experiencing major hardships and make us from the patient ones.
It was a long journey that took Aldabban’s family from a refugee camp in Jordan to Connecticut, thus grabbing attention and becoming a subject of an American graphic novel telling their story of success in the US.
Moving from Syria to a Jordanian refugee camp in 2011, the family arrived in the US in November 2016.
The American dream of Adeebah and Ibrahim and their five school-aged children has begun with mortgage on a house in suburban Connecticut, NCPR reported.
“I have my children, I have my family. I am like any American. Yes, I’m lucky,” Ibrahim says.
A powerful graphic novel Welcome to the New World tells the challenges the family faced along the way.
The novel, written by Jake Halpern and drawn by Michael Sloan, documents the newcomer’s transition.
“They are so good at adapting, this is such a different world here,” Halpern said.
“They just bought this house — it’s like the American dream realized,” he added. “They are thrilled. The mom and the dad, Adeebah and Ibrahim, and also Naji, the oldest son, have all been working full time to get a mortgage for this.”
It recounts their experience in intimate detail, such as meeting bears and fearing basements, a source of fear in American culture which does not exist in Syria.
The book also tell real life threats. It included finding themselves forced to move again after a frightening death threat on Ibrahim’s cell phone.
Halpern has observed that Ibrahim makes his own luck. “I’ve just seen this man worry and push for his family for four years. And yeah, I admire him for that.”
There are several other success stories of Syrian refugees and immigrants, with a lot of different dimensions pertaining to their struggles and challenges facing them.
Razan Alsous, one of the UK’s Syrian refugees, won bronze at the 2014 World Cheese Awards. Moreover, she won gold at the World Cheese Awards in 2016.
Dr. Amani Ballour was awarded the Council of Europe’s Raoul Wallenberg Prize in 2020 for her personal courage, bravery, and commitment to save hundreds of lives during the Syrian war.
In Nova Scotia, Canada, a Syrian family also celebrated success after opening their own successful chocolate factory.
The digital family festival offers digital spaces where people can share and explore their unique cultural and social experiences at the intersections of faith and race.
Robert describes the event and the need for it and more opportunities for discussions about being Black and Muslim.
The online Black Muslim Festival will run from 2-25 October, hosting a galaxy of Black Muslim speakers.
Speakers include Boonaa Mohammed, Sheikh Abdullah Hakeem Quick, Maryam Lemu & Sa’id Takuma, Imam Shadeed Muhammad, Alhan Islam, and LaYinka Sanni.
The event runs Friday, Saturday, and Sunday each week in October. It will have a mix of panel discussions, seminars, workshops, interactive Q&A sessions, screenings, poetry recital, and more.
In inferring rulings related to a particular spatiotemporal setting, classical Islamic jurists invariably emphasized a close correlation between the primary texts of Islam and local realities.
Giving opinions or passing verdicts only based on the letter of the texts, without understanding the spirit and without considering circumstantial factors, may be detrimental and create controversies. This may even make a particular Islamic teaching irrelevant to society.
“To undertake a reading of either without reference to the other will neither benefit humanity nor lead it to the sort of comprehensive knowledge necessary for the building and maintenance of civilized society or to knowledge worthy of preservation and further development or exchange.” (P. 85)
Local scholars and local issues
This particular principle of Islamic jurisprudence became clearer to me when I attended a talk by renowned Malaysian academic and public intellectual Mohd. Kamal Hassan (1942-).
Speaking at a discussion at Kamal Hassan Library at International Islamic University Malaysia (IIUM) in late 2019, he told the audience about his meeting with Sayyid Abul A’la Mawdudi (1903-79) at Columbia University in New York City in 1974.
Kamal Hassan was at that time, pursuing a Ph.D. at Columbia in contemporary Islamic thought. He was also the president of the Columbia University chapter of MSA (Muslim Students’ Association). In that capacity, Kamal Hassan invited Mawdudi (who was in New York at that time) to deliver a speech in front of the university and the local community. They held the event at the auditorium of the main library of Columbia University and many people attended the event.
During the Q & A session after Mawdudi’s speech, Kamal Hassan, in the form of a question sought advice from the South Asian revivalist thinker on matters related to Malaysia. In reply, Mawdudi said that scholars of Malaysia were better informed about, and were in a better position to give solutions to local issues. Mawdudi believed that first-hand understanding of the circumstances, problems, and needs of a society was important to offer a remedy for its (social) ills.
Understanding the spatiotemporal variations
Referring to Mawdudi’s response, Kamal Hassan stressed that understanding the spatiotemporal variations is imperative to formulate effective policies and infer Islamic practical rules. True Islamic scholars over centuries have always considered local conditions before offering opinions and interpretations of relevant texts.
In this respect, to elaborate the argument further, Kamal Hassan shared with us a famous anecdote involving Imam Ash-Shafi`i on whose interpretation of Islamic teachings, the Shafi`i school of Islamic law is built.
Todas las chicas esperan el día de su boda, su vestido, un nuevo comienzo; en realidad, no todas las chicas. Una enamorada chica musulmana no puede casarse con un no musulmán, su boda no está permitida en el Islam, se debate entre su religión y su amor. Pero ¿por qué el Islam no permite este matrimonio?
El amor a primera vista, esa atracción magnética, repentina e involuntaria, se apodera de quienes toca. Permanecer despierto durante las noches, olvidar las citas y soñar despierto en el trabajo, son síntomas del amor. Si bien el amor parece deshacerse de la racionalidad, quienes observan generalmente responden con una sonrisa: “no importa, están enamorados”.
Los enamorados deben volar a donde deseen. Ponerles regulaciones sería como atraparlos en una jaula. ¿Por qué dos personas enamoradas no deberían poder pasar el resto de sus vidas juntas? Esto parece un argumento claro y directo.
Lógicamente, podemos (1) permitir que ocurran todos los matrimonios o (2) podemos permitir que ocurran algunos y rechazar otros o (3) podemos rechazar todos los matrimonios por completo.
Si tomamos la primera opción, permitiendo que todos los matrimonios tengan lugar sin ninguna restricción, incluiría escenarios como que una persona se case con su prima o sobrina.
Si bien estos escenarios pueden hacer que algunos se estremezcan, es posible que otros no. Si fuese judío no sería un problema puesto que el judaísmo le da a un hombre la libertad de casarse con su sobrina.
El matrimonio y normas culturales
Si bien puede parecer una idea romántica que cualquiera debería poder casarse con quien quisiera, todo en nombre del amor y la libertad, es algo que invita al rechazo en muchas sociedades.
Los matrimonios entre primos, por ejemplo, son incestuosos, o se consideran así en algunas culturas, como la china y coreana, pero son legales en el hinduismo, el judaísmo, el islam; Europa, Canadá y partes de Estados Unidos.
Los defensores de la libertad del amor tendrán que tener en cuenta que permitir todos los matrimonios incluye incluso los que resultan de relaciones consensuales entre hermano y hermana, o padre e hija. ¿Permitirán tales matrimonios, ya que supuestamente, el amor no debería ser limitado ni regulado?
Si consideramos la segunda opción, permitir algunos matrimonios y rechazar otros, tendremos que responder a la pregunta obvia, ¿quién clasificará para los enamorados qué matrimonios están permitidos y cuáles no?
“La gente”, parece ser la mejor respuesta. Las sociedades viven de acuerdo con estándares de comportamiento llamados normas y costumbres sociales.
Matrimonio y religión
El Antiguo Testamento prohíbe casarse con personas de otras religiones, para que no se aparten de Dios ni reciban Su castigo:
Y no emparentarás con ellas; no darás tu hija a su hijo, ni tomarás a su hija para tu hijo. Porque desviará a tu hijo de en pos de mí, y servirán a dioses ajenos; y el furor de Jehová se encenderá sobre vosotros, y te destruirá pronto. ()
Además, según la ley judía, los hijos de una mujer gentil no se consideran judíos aunque el marido sea judío. Para que los niños sean considerados judíos, la madre debe ser judía.
En el Islam, también existe la prohibición de casarse con personas de otras religiones:
No os caséis con las idólatras hasta que no crean. Una esclava creyente es mejor que una mujer libre idólatra aunque os guste. Y no caséis (a las mujeres) con los idólatras hasta que no crean. Un esclavo creyente es mejor que un idólatra libre aunque os guste. Ellos (los idólatras) invitan al Fuego mientras que Allah invita al Jardín y al perdón con Su permiso; y aclara Sus signos a los hombres. ¡Ojalá recapaciten!
Este versículo, que prohíbe los matrimonios con personas de otras religiones, los describe como “mushrikat” y “mushrikun“, es decir, mujeres y hombres que cometen “shirk“, la antítesis del monoteísmo, traducido libremente como “politeísta”.
Según la comprensión integral del monoteísmo en el Islam, solo se debe adorar a un Dios sin equiparar Su señorío e identidad con la creación. Se considera que los judíos y los cristianos han comprometido los principios del monoteísmo y están incluidos en la prohibición del matrimonio mencionada en el versículo anterior. El Corán describe su ruptura de compromiso con el monoteísmo:
Han tomado a sus doctores y sacerdotes como señores en vez de Allah, igual que al Ungido, hijo de Maryam; cuando solamente se les ordenó que adoraran a un Único Dios. No hay dios sino Él. ¡Glorificado sea por encima de lo que Le asocian!
Y no digáis tres; es mejor para vosotros que desistáis. La verdad es que Allah es un Dios Único. ¡Está muy por encima en Su gloria de tener un hijo! Suyo es cuanto hay en los cielos y cuanto hay en la tierra. Y Allah basta como Guardián.
Sin embargo, a diferencia del judaísmo, que mantuvo la prohibición del matrimonio tanto para hombres como para mujeres, más adelante el Islam permitió que los hombres se casaran con mujeres judías y cristianas:
Y (son lícitas para vosotros) las mujeres libres y honestas que sean creyentes, así como las mujeres libres y honestas de los que recibieron el Libro antes que vosotros, si les dais sus dotes como casados, no como fornicadores ni como los que toman amantes.
Algunos esfuerzos para racionalizar esta permisibilidad unilateral del matrimonio parecen carecer de fuerza. Si la racionalización por la que una mujer musulmana no puede casarse con un hombre no musulmán es el temor de que pueda alejarse de Dios, entonces lo mismo puede decirse del hombre musulmán casado con una judía o cristiana.
Los versículos del Corán y del Antiguo Testamento que prohibían el matrimonio con otras religiones presentaban una racionalización: no alejarse de Dios. Sin embargo, el verso coránico, que establece la permisibilidad de que un hombre se case con una mujer judía o cristiana, no menciona una racionalización.
Por supuesto, que no se haya mencionado no quiere decir que no haya una. Pero sí indica que usar la racionalización del versículo aplicado a la prohibición universal para el matrimonio, con la permisibilidad unilateral, sería incorrecto.
De la misma forma que deben rechazarse las racionalizaciones malinterpretadas de los versículos tanto del Antiguo Testamento como del Corán, como afirmar que los versículos exigen discriminación o trato desigual de las mujeres, ya que no coinciden con el espíritu ni con la letra de ninguna de las leyes, respectivamente.
El argumento que se propone es que los derechos islámicos de una mujer musulmana están protegidos mientras está casada con un hombre musulmán, como el derecho a la propiedad, el derecho a su identidad (sin cambiar su nombre), el derecho al voto, el derecho a no asumir cualquier carga económica de la familia si así lo desea, el derecho a la herencia, etc., parece ser un argumento fuerte, e incluso más fuerte en el pasado, cuando las mujeres apenas tenían derechos.
Pero, se puede argumentar que muchas sociedades modernas están al día con los derechos de muchas mujeres, entonces, ¿por qué una mujer musulmana no puede casarse con un hombre no musulmán?
En realidad, la pregunta se basa en la suposición de que la sabiduría de los juicios (hikam) funciona como las razones (asbab) y los objetivos (maqasid) de los estos, lo que por supuesto no es el caso. La ausencia de sabiduría no legitima la revocación de un juicio en la jurisprudencia islámica.
Por ejemplo, la sabiduría detrás de acortar las oraciones durante el viaje es adaptarse a las dificultades. Sin embargo, si se toman unas vacaciones de lujo, no es esta una razón para rechazar el acortamiento de la oración. La presencia de dificultad es una sabiduría para acortar la oración, no la razón. La razón es viajar.
Asimismo, la protección de los derechos de la mujer musulmana en el matrimonio es una sabiduría, no la razón de la permisibilidad unilateral. Por lo tanto, incluso si un hombre no musulmán puede garantizarle a una mujer musulmana sus derechos islámicos, la prohibición no se anula.
El Corán anima a los creyentes a reflexionar sobre sus versículos. En ciertos momentos, los eruditos agotan sus esfuerzos en busca de las racionalizaciones detrás de algunos juicios solo para llegar a la conclusión de que, si bien existe una razón para cada juicio, el intelecto humano no puede actualmente entenderlos todos.
Los enemorados deben tener la libertad de elegir con quién pueden o no casarse de acuerdo con los estándares de comportamiento que elijan libremente. No permitir que se regulen los matrimonios, en nombre de la libertad, solo viola la libertad de las personas para elegir las normas con las que desean vivir.
Este es un artículo de aboutislam.net, puedes leer la versión original en inglés aquí.
Las personas que regresan al Islam o se hacen musulmanas o incluso aquellos que han nacido musulmanes, muchas veces se encuentran con dudas respecto a su situación. El mejor consejo a nuevos musulmanes que podemos dar es que se centren en lo importante y que no se preocupen de aquellas cosas que son secundarias.
¿Qué es lo importante? Aprender la creencia, hacer la oración y seguir al Profeta, la paz sea con él, en lo que se pueda. Eso es más que suficiente para casi todos los musulmanes -incluidos los que han nacido musulmanes-.
Dios va a poner a prueba tu creencia
Puede que te encuentres en situaciones difíciles o incómodas como consecuencia directa de tus nuevas creencias. Allah dice en el Corán:
¿Es que cuentan los hombres con que se les va a dejar decir: creemos y no van a ser puestos a prueba?
No hay nada que alguien te puede decir, ninguna fórmula mágica, para que esto no sea así. Pero las pruebas son también una oportunidad para mostrar nuestra firmeza y que incremente nuestra creencia.
Aún así, si hay algunos consejos para que estas pruebas no sean innecesariamente complicadas.
Céntrate en lo importante
En el Islam hay aspectos que son básicos, otrs secundarios, y otros menos importantes. Céntrate en lo primero, en lo básico. Es decir, hay cosas que son básicas y están claras, hay otras que están claras pero no son básicas y ha otras menos importante en las que hay diferencias de opinión. De momento céntrate en lo primero.
Hay algunas personas que se hacen musulmanas y de repente los ves debatiendo con ahínco si la vestimenta tiene que llegar hasta aquí o aquí o si cuando levantas las manos al hacer la oración es así o así.
Estos asuntos no son ni básicos ni importantes al principio. ¿Qué es lo básico? Los cinco pilares y aquello que no hace poder hacerlos correctamente, como la purificación.
Si no fijamos en los últimos capítulos del Corán, lo Suras cortos que fueron revelados en La Meca, al principio del Islam, lo que te encuntras en un énfasis en la creencia. Esto sí es básico.
Creencia correcta, conducta correcta
Como hemos dicho, un tema básico es la creencia correcta, esto es, creer en un Dios único sin asociarle nada, Creador de todo y que no necesita creador. Creer que Dios se comunica con nosotros y lo ha hecho a través de la Revelación a los profetas que nos enseñan que tenemos una responsabilidad sobre nuestra forma de vivir y que seremos responsables de ella ante Dios; que esta vida es pasajera y que en la próxima tendremos que rendir cuentas.
Estás dos cosas, una creencia correcta y una conducta correcta son dos temas principales y básicos.
No entrar en debates
Hemos de procurar no entrar en debates sobre cosas secundarias. El Islam no nos pide esto y solo crea conflicto y animosidad. Es mejor evitar los debates en los que se discuten temas controvertidos, al menos de momento.
En lugar de esto, céntrate en memorizar y estudiar el Corán, en intentar mejorar tu Salah, oración, y en tratar bien a los demás. Esta es nuestra responsabilidad y por ello seremos preguntados.
Estudia la vida de Profeta y síguele
El Profeta pronunciaba frases en todos los contextos que le recordaban a Allah. No es necesario que las memorices todas, aunque puedes memorizar algunas si quieres. Lo importante es el concepto.
El concepto es que el Profeta, que la paz sea con él, siempre estaba recordando a Allah. Cuando se levantaba daba gracias, cuando comía daba gracias, cuando salía de su casa pedía protección. Eso es lo importante, buscar estar en ese estado aunque utilices tus propias palabras.
Y trata de imitar al Profeta en aquello que puedas, es decir, seguir su Sunnah, pero una vez más, procurando no entrar en debates.
Consejo a nuevos musulmanes
Lo más importante es que te centres en estas dos cosas: intenta establecer la oración, el Salah, cinco veces al día y esfuérzate por mejorar e intente seguir el Profeta en lo que puedas, siendo consciente de Dios.
Estas dos cosas sí son importante y estas dos cosas son el mejor consejo a nuevos musulmanes que podemos dar.
Harán que ves un cambio en tu vida profundo y que conectes con tu Creador de una manera más profunda así como con el resto de los musulmanes.
إلا أن هذا لم يمنعها من التعلم عن الإسلام والدعوة إليه بإصراركانت إحدى صوره؛
أنها ظلت تسافر إلى مدينة قريبة منها لمدة عامين، لتصلي الجمعة في المسجد، وتطلب من إدارة المسجد أن يوفروا لها مترجما بلغة الإشارة.
بعد ذلك، نجم عن إصرارها أنها أنشأت مع صديقة لها جمعية لتعليم الدين الإسلامي لفئة الصم والبكم.
هذه الجمعية، تهدف لإنشاء لغة إشارة موحدة عالميا باللغة العربية، مما يسها على الصم التعلم عن الإسلام.
أسلم على يديها 9 أشخاص.
وتحاول طوال الوقت أن تحسن الخدمات الإسلامية المقدمة للصم والبكم.
ريبيكا، متزوجة ولديها أطفال، لا تنطلق إلى الدعوة إلى الإسلام من الاستعطاف والشعور بالعجز، بل من استشعار قوة تأثيرها وقدرتها على إبهار المستمعين إليها بلغة الإشارة.
فهي تستشعر الثغر التي هي عليه، وتستشعر احتياج فئتها لمعرفة الإسلام، الذي أنزل قرآنا يتلى ليوم الدين يعلم فيه النبي -صلى الله عليه وسلم-، أن يعطي أولوية لذي الإعاقة المقبل على الإسلام قبل سادات قريش المدبرون عنه،
لم تكن ريبيكا مطبقة لتعاليم الإسلام منذ مولدها، رغم أنها ولدت لأسرة مسلمة، لكنها تعلمت عن الإسلام مع تعلمها اللغة الانجليزية وقراءة الشفاه، ولغة الإشارة العالمية الانجليزية، وهي أدوات ساعدتها على التواصل مع فئتها ومع الآخرين.
إلا أنها تعلم جيدا أن الكثير من أبناء فئتها يفتقدون لهذه الأدوات، مما يقلل من فرص التواصل مع بعضهم البعض أو مع الآخرين.
وهو ما يجعل هذه الفئة محبطة، وحيدة.
وهذا تحديدا ما دعا ريبيكا للاهتمام بتقديم الدعم لفئتها، بعدما شعرت بالفرق في حياتها.
Chacun a, un jour ou l’autre, perdu un être cher que ce soit un parent, un proche, un ami, ou même un enfant dont le souvenir reste toujours vif dans sa mémoire et son cœur. Allah, l’Exalté, dit : « Toute âme goûtera la mort. » (Sourate Al-Imrân – verset 185). C’est vrai qu’on reste vulnérable face à ce sort funèbre et inéluctable réservé tôt ou tard à tout être vivant sur terre… : « Où que vous soyez, la mort vous atteindra, fussiez-vous dans des tours imprenables. » (Coran 4:78).
Comment venir en aide à nos morts chéris?
Cependant, tout musulman doit savoir qu’il lui est encore possible de venir en aide à ses chers disparus ayant passé de vie à trépas. Mais, comment ?
Regardons ensemble cette vidéo de Prof. Rachid Eljaly qui nous donne quelques précieux conseils pour continuer à être bénéfique à ces personnes décédées qui nous ont devancés sur l’autre rive du monde et que tôt ou tard, nous allons rejoindre. Espérons que nous nous rencontrons tous au plus haut rang du paradis décrit un jour par le Prophète(Sallah Allah Alayhi Wa Sallam) à l’un de ses compagnons en ces termes :
«Il y a une brique en or et une autre en argent; le ciment qui les maintient est du musc; ses cailloux sont des perles et des rubis, son sable du safran; quiconque y entre goûtera les délices sans connaître l’indigence, demeurera éternel et ne mourra pas, ses habits ne s’useront pas; et il demeurera éternellement jeune ».
A ce titre, Prof. Rachid Eljaly assure qu’il nous est possible d’illuminer leurs tombes et de les leur remplir de miséricorde au point de devenir pareilles aux jardins du paradis. Il ne tarde pas à révéler le secret, il s’agit, bel et bien, de l’invocation (al-Du`âa). Il cite, dans ce contexte, l’un des récits qui l’ont profondément marqué : Un récit cité par l’illustre imam Al-Qourttoubi dans son ouvrage intitulé « Tadhkîrah fî aḥwâl al-mawtah wa-oumûr al-âkhîrah»(Le Rappel).
Le fruit de l’invocation
Un jour, une mère endeuillée vint voir Al-Hassan Al-Bassrî, ce grand ascète vertueux. Elle lui raconta que sa fille avait quitté ce bas monde et qu’elle aurait aimé la voir en rêve pour savoir en quel état elle se trouve désormais dans l’au-delà. Entre autres recommandations, l’imam lui préconisa de multiplier les prières de quatre rak`a faites de nuit, en y répétant la sourate At-Takathour (sourate 102), tout en priant à maintes reprises sur le Prophète (paix et prière sur lui) et en demandant à Dieu Son soutien, Son aide et la facilitation de Sa part…
Et la mère de ne pas cesser à déployer ses efforts pour se rassurer sur le sort réservé à sa fille. Quelques jours après, elle retourna voir l’imam, toute terrifiée et apeurée. Elle raconta qu’elle avait vu sa fille dans un état déplorable et triste, comme si elle était tourmentée. Nouvelle qui attrista et la mère et l’imam !
Mais, peu après, l’imam al-Bassrî, lui-même, vit en songe cette fille décédée en plein paradis. Elle lui révéla le secret derrière cette métamorphose. Il s’agissait des invocations et des prières faites en faveur du Prophète Mohammad (paix et prière sur lui) par un homme qui s’était rendu un jour au cimetière où elle avait été enterrée parmi tant d’autres. Cette invocation magnifique a apporté la bénédiction ainsi que des fruits exceptionnels : la dissipation des châtiments et des tourments subis par tous les morts enterrés dans ce cimetière-là, qui s’étaient retrouvés au paradis.
Autres oeuvres louables
Notons qu’il ne s’agit pas seulement des invocations, mais il y a tant d’autres œuvres pieuses et actes vertueux susceptibles d’apporter le soulagement et la délivrance aux morts chéris, citons entre autres : rendre fréquemment la visite à leurs tombes ; puisque selon Ibn Al-Qayyim, le mort ressent la présence de ses visiteurs et il répond même à la salutation que lui adresse son visiteur, faire des charités pérennes, faire le petit ou le grand pèlerinage en leur nom, demander le pardon d’Allah en leur faveur, s’acquitter de leur dettes, exécuter leurs engagements, etc.
Référons-nous à ce hadith du le Prophète, où il dit :
« Lorsque le fils d’Adam meurt, toutes ses œuvres s’arrêtent hormis trois : une aumône pérenne, un savoir utile et un enfant pieux qui invoque Allah en sa faveur. » (Mouslim)
Nothing is more important for a wife than winning the heart of her husband. Because when the husband loves his wife, marital life would be a blessing like no other.
Although people always talk about love as a fate that people don’t have control upon life continues to teach us that real love is like a plant that one can grow over time.
It takes much work and effort to build a strong bond between a husband and wife and the result is mostly granted by the grace of God; a happy marriage.
Here are 10 things to do in order to be the perfect wife:
1. Be pleasant
Try to be warm, kind, positive, understanding, and friendly to your husband, family, and friends. Work actively to be pleasant towards your husband.
Don’t be that person who lashes out at others because you had a bad day. Welcome your husband with a smile when he comes home. Listen to him, talk about his day, especially if it was a difficult one.
2. Treat him with respect
Always speak in a loving way and refrain from speaking in a harsh manner. A good wife respects her hubby. She never chooses to belittle, strike, humiliate, or otherwise harm him in private or in public.
It is better to watch what you say and think before speaking, as it is not possible to take back the words once they are said. A good wife will treat her man with respect in front of others and at home.
3. Communicate
Communication is the key to a good and solid marriage. Do not hide things or keep secrets from your husband. Be honest. Find time to sit and talk with him on a daily basis, even if it is for only half an hour.
Good communication helps to build trust and strengthens your relationship. The wife and the husband are partners; do not make any major decisions about the family without consulting your partner.
4. Be a good listener
You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but allow him to talk first. Don’t greet him with complaints and problems the moment he comes back from work.
Fights or problems may happen, but do not let the world know about it. Rather, you should try to solve it between yourselves as partners. Try to move on and stop rehashing the past and reminding him of his faults.
5. Be supportive
A husband expects his wife’s support and understanding, especially in crisis times. A good wife loves her hubby for his successes and failures, and provides reassurance when he’s feeling down.
Support him in all stages of his life. Be proud of him on his accomplishments and genuinely compliment him.
You can then expect him to behave in return in the same manner and also respect you more for your support and thoughtfulness. If you don’t agree with him, respectfully let him know that in a healthy conversation.
6. Give him his space
As a wife, it’s important to understand that your husband’s world is not only about you. He has a family, friends, and colleagues who are also part of his life. He also may have hobbies and passions he is involved in.
Don’t expect his undivided attention at all times. Don’t stop him if he wants to go and hang out with his friends or even go out on his own. An interfering wife can sometimes be very irritating.
7. Accept him
Only by accepting him as he is, you are showing him respect and gratitude for. He has so much to offer you if only you give him the space to be himself.
He is a growing individual, just like you are. Help him grow in the direction that he chooses, and give him the chance to be the person he wants.
8. Express your love and appreciation very often
Men like to be praised and appreciated. They like to hear the words “I love you” too. Always tell him how much you love him and how lucky you are to be his wife!
Fulfill his emotional and physical needs; sexual intimacy is one of the most essential things for a happy marriage.
9. Take care of your health and appearance
Give yourself enough time, take care of your health and appearance and put it among your priorities.
Let your husband feel good whenever he looks at you. Let him see the good looking, nice smelling, and neat wife all the time.
Let him help you decide which dress to buy and which perfume to use.
10. Maintain the house
Maintain a clean house all the time. Clear away the clutter and spend time decorating the house. Apart from this, be wise with money and take all the responsibilities of a wife seriously without complaining too much.
If you are a working woman, you may want to hire a maid to take care of the household chores of cooking, cleaning, and so forth.
Many converts in my country – the Netherlands – state their shahadah while still living at home with their parents.
As the new convert has made a conscious choice for Islam, the parents find themselves in a situation they neither asked for nor fully understand. The result can be a blueprint for disaster, while there are also numerous ways to deal with the situation in a positive and constructive way.
Being active in the field of dawah and support of new Muslims, I hear and see many stories of different converts and their parents. One day, as I was preparing to help a new sister to say the shahadah in a mosque in Amsterdam, she told me how her mother responded dismissively when she told her about her choice to accept Islam.
“Your mother is correct.” was my simple response.
The sister was shocked: why did the person guiding her to say the shahadah also say her mother was rightfully dismissive about her decision to become Muslim?
Transparency
I explained to her how her mother only knew Islam from the TV. As far as she knows, Islam is a negative and narrow-minded, aggressive religion which oppresses the rights of women. No mother on earth would wish that for her child.
“If your mother has any love for you, she would not want you to accept what she thinks Islam is. The good news is: it looks like your mother loves you. The challenge is: make her see what you are doing and what it means to you.”
We all know how Islam calls for us to have good and respectful relationships with our parents, especially our mothers. But how do we succeed in doing so, if the mere fact that we follow Islam is the cause for a disruption of this relationship?
The most important tool is transparency! The idea that worries the loving parents most is not knowing or understanding what their child is doing or going through.
Countering Fear
The fear of radicalization is genuine and sincere and therefore must be addressed. To my personal opinion, it’s the responsibility for the person who converts to take the first steps in that process.
Basically if one doesn’t explain to his parents what he thinks Islam is, they will explore for themselves and find what other people think of Islam. They will find websites full of negative information, books full of misconceptions and news items of all those who’ve made tragic mistakes in their lives and fear their son will do the same. And if he shut them out, they will worry even more.
The best way to counter this is for a convert to give his parents insight in the changes he is making in his life and the ideas that are going through his mind. He should try to be as transparent as possible without trying to convince them to follow his footsteps (as that will blur the conversation). He should tell his parents where he keeps his books on Islam and allow them to read them as well.
Another thing to do is introduce his new brothers in faith to his parents, so they know who he is with when he goes to the mosque. Openly discuss his ideas or interpretations on Islam and don’t hesitate to explain he doesn’t know everything yet and he is also still searching.
By letting them into this part of his life – regardless of their personal stance in relationship to Islam – they will see he is trying to live a positive life, reading positive books and meeting positive people.
The Community Should Recognize the Convert’s Parents Position
When a new Muslim comes to the mosque and declares the shahadah, everybody is more than willing to give this person support. Converts get free books and DVD’s, are invited to iftars and get some extra attention from the imam or dawah organizations. The support our community gives to new Muslims is a good thing!
However, there is also a responsibility upon the community as a whole not only to recognize the converts as a target audience of extra support, but also their parents.
In the Netherlands, we now see events being organized especially for the parents of the convert. These events consist of a basic presentation of the Islamic principles, emphasize of the position of parents in Islam, the opportunity for those parents to meet others in the same situation and a nice tour through the mosque.
I once gave a presentation on Islam to a group of 10 fathers whose daughters had become Muslim. They were very enthusiastic about this.
Not because they now all wanted to become Muslims themselves, but because they were recognized in their position as fathers and guardians and finally were able to see where their daughters went to every weekend. This doesn’t only minimize the obstacles which could damage family ties, in fact, it brought people closer together.
Dealing with Obstacles
In my opinion, every organization active in the field of dawah should have a program for the parents of Muslim converts. It should be focused on recognizing their position and making them feel welcome also as non-Muslims. The program should aim to answer any question or need brought forward by these parents.
There are so many obstacles on our way. Not all of them can be fully removed or handled, but most can. By being transparent, open and hospitable towards the parents of new Muslim converts, nearly all issues can be answered.
We should not wait for others to take the first step but do what needs to be done, being inspired to do so based on our beautiful religion.
The second pillar of faith in Islam is salah or prayer. So what is prayer? Salah means to supplicate or to call out to God. When we speak about salah in Islam we mean the 5 daily prayers.
The prayer is also about establishing a connection with Allah and talking to Him. In Islam the prayer was ordered for us all to do. In fact when angel Jibreel gave revelation to Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) he ordered him to pray.
We must establish that connection with Allah through prayer and supplication.
Whenever he writes inshaAllah in english people always comment telling him to separate the three words in shaa Allah.
There are so many misconceptions about this. If you are writing it in the Arabic language the correct way is writing it in three separate words. In any other language if we say “if Allah wills” it is also written in three words.
When one makes a transliteration, which means writing the words as they should be pronounced then you can write it in any way. A transliteration is a way to help one to read something.
There is a Chinese saying that goes: “If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap. If you want happiness for a day, go fishing. If you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime, help somebody.”
Whenever we see someone helping others, volunteering or giving money to the poor we usually think the person helps others because they need help. This sounds good, but the other important part of the story is: people help others because this makes them happy!
It’s our responsibility to seek guidance from the Quran, by deriving palatable, daily life action points from its verses and focus on how the Book of Allah can make us a better person.
Below we translate the themes from the beginning till the end of the Quran in 18 universal lessons for life!
1. Remind Yourself Who You Are and Why You Are Here (Juz 1 & 2)
In this turbulent world full of distractions, it’s crucial to go back to basics.
Chapter Al Fatihah is your personal identity and contains the three objectives the whole Quran revolves around: beliefs (to believe in Allah), acts of worship (to know how we manage to worship our Lord in Whom we believe) and way of life.
Chapter Al Baqarah tells you why you are on earth. It tells you about different kinds of people (believers, disbelievers and hypocrites), the experience of the first successor on earth, Adam, and the nation who was given responsibility for earth but failed (the Israelites) as well as the one who was successful, Ibrahim (peace be upon him). It then explains Allah’s commands: it’s the chapter of guidance on how we can take our responsibility on earth.
Action Point:
While reciting chapter Al Fatihah daily remind yourself you are a believer, to worship the Merciful Lord who created everything from your heart; and don’t forget to ask Him for all you need and to practice what you know.
Action Point:
Ask Allah to help you fulfil all your responsibilities in your worship, work, family life and environment.
Action Point:
Al Baqarah is the only chapter that gives details of the five pillars of Islam; give careful thought to the pillars of your faith. O Allah, help us fulfil the pillars of Islam and faith (Iman), ameen!
2. Remain Firm and Resist Influences from the Outside and Within (Juz 3)
Chapter Al-Imran is divided into two parts, telling you to remain firm on the straight path and to resist evil or harmful influences. The example of the battle of Uhud shows how you can prevent mistakes that happen due to your own desires.
Action Point:
Daily ask Allah to protect you from all bad influences on your faith and to protect others from your possible bad influence.
3. Be Just, No Matter the Circumstances (Juz 4, 5, 6)
Chapter Al-Baqarah tells you that you have a responsibility on earth and how to take it; then chapter Al-‘Imran urges sabr (perseverance); and chapter An-Nisa’ then tells you that perseverance also demands being fair and kind to the weak. Chapter Al-Ma’idah continues to show you how to be responsible.
Action Point:
Justice begins at home. Ask Allah to guide you to be fair and kind at home, as it’s easy to show your ‘worst’ self at home to those whom you might have authority over.
Action Point:
Realize the importance of everyone getting their due, in both business and personal environments. Islam is the opposite of the “survival of the fittest” mentality.
Ask Allah to help you treat women, men, children, the sick and the elderly in the way that pleases Him and to forgive you for all your shortcomings in how you treat(ed) others!
Chapters Al Ma’idah and Al An’aam tell you to enjoy things that strengthen you and give you freedom from addictions and desires so that your heart may be pure enough to love and obey Him absolutely.
Chapters Al-Anaam and Al-A’raf show how you need to come out of your comfort zone to take a firm stance on evil.
Chapter Al A’raf describes the conflict between good and evil; Adam and Satan; between Prophets and those they attempt to teach; and between Paradise and Hellfire.
Chapter Al Anfaal tells you what you need to have victory over evil; first, belief in Allah and second, patience. Allah gives us strength to obey Him, as long as we rely on Him.
Action Point:
Be more grateful for all you have and realize how many things are halal (permissible) for you, rather than looking at what you can’t have!
Action Point:
Forbidding evil is an act of worship while many don’t feel the need (anymore) to advise when they see their own family members off the straight path and sinning openly.
O Allah, make us of those who enjoy good, rely on You and forbid evil with wisdom, ameen!
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