Children are an adornment of our life in this world (Al-Qur’an 18:46). Raising them as successful stewards of Allah with a moral upbringing and positive social and life skills, in this era of moral decline, is a big test for any parent.
As such, parenting is a life-long commitment that not only encompasses the physical, mental and emotional upbringing but also the spiritual qualities for both this life and the eternal life to come.
Children are a trust
To people of faith, children are a ‘trust’ (Amanah, in Arabic). Successful parenting requires full commitment, creative thinking, enormous patience and often huge sacrifices. Our life flows forward only and no sensible parent can afford to take their duties lightly. Whilst positive parenting is the wisest investment for future, poor parenting can bring shocking consequences for a family and the society.
Raising children is an inter-generational task that helps create and sustain a stable, peaceful and successful society. Through positive parenting, an extended family plays the central role of both a nursery and a school, to produce a conscientious generation who are outward looking and forward thinking.
Islamic approach to parenting
The Qur’an tells believers to take their life seriously, not casually.
{O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from Fire whose fuel is people and stones … } (At-Tahrim 66:6)
Muslim parents are required to educate and train their children to not associate (anything) with Allah; to be grateful to Allah and their parents; to not obey parents blindly, but treat them with appropriate kindness; to be aware that Allah will bring forth things as small as a mustard seed; to establish prayer, enjoin good, forbid evil and be patient; to not be arrogant; to not walk haughtily on earth; to be moderate in their stride; and to lower their voice – (Al-Qur’an 31:13-19).
He said “When a child of Adam dies, all deeds are cut off, except three – continuous charity; knowledge that benefits others and a righteous child’s supplication” (Sahih Muslim).
Three phases of Muslim parenting
Conventionally, Muslims have adopted three seven-year stages of parenting.
First phase
The first seven-year phase is about providing limitless love, warmth, care and safety to a child in a positive home environment, where a child enjoys productive physical activities and the joy of play.
The mother, father and other adults around contribute to this wonderful human growth process. Man and woman are a pair (Al-Qur’an 78:8), and the love between mother and father is the essence of human continuity that converges and finds expression in their child.
A new-born is showered with love from both parents and brings a new dynamic in the extended family. The natural demand of love for children is allowing them to grow with freedom of thought, albeit within appropriate boundaries for their age and maturity.
As children come to the world with sharp brains and inquisitive minds, they soak up everything around them like a sponge. Parents should help them with unforced, age-appropriate learning, gentleness and proper encouragement so that they can explore the world around them.
Some children memorise rhymes easily, others may learn multiple languages and some may memorise verses from the Qur’an and other books.
Second Phase
In the second seven-year phase, the emphasis should be on children’s education and learning through well-thought-out planning and positive discipline, underpinned by love and affection.
During this phase, children’s physical and mental skills develop sharply and they need social and life skills as well as positive self-esteem through knowledge of their own selves – their gender, faith, ethnicity and many aspects of their identities.
Encouraging conversation at home raises them intellectually and gives them an emotional attachment to their own family, faith and community. Simple household chores equip them with confidence, a joy of helping their parents and a sense of responsibility.
As adolescence starts in this phase, the hormonal, physical and emotional changes often become an issue or concern. Parents, teachers and other professionals should be aware of the challenges of this transition phase and equip themselves to gently but robustly handle this. It is important adults adopt suitable behaviour strategies and consistently employ them with empathy.
Third Phase
The third seven-year phase is about being friendly with children and solidifying a lasting relationship based on mutual trust and understanding.
By this time, children are in their late teenage phase and beyond, preparing for full adulthood and brimming with ideas and energy. They should be mentored wisely and shown respect and never undermined or ridiculed.
Wise parents never forget that children have arrived in this world at a time which is vastly different from their own upbringing. This mental adjustment is vital for a respectful and gradually interdependent loving relationship.
Family values that fit with modern life, healthy eating and living and an ethical and balanced lifestyle with respect, integrity and a sensible use of technology and social media are the ingredients of success.
Age-appropriate positive discipline techniques
There are various age-appropriate discipline techniques, such as reward and sanctions, which are required to be applied during the various phases of children’s growth.
Children need autonomy and freedom, but as they grow older, creative discipline is vital for their success. Love and care should be immeasurably abundant in a child’s life.
Discipline has a spectrum and this generally starts with parents being a role model at one end and confronting negative behaviour with some discipline techniques on the other.
Children will naturally make mistakes. Parents should treat children as children, not young adults. It is vital that parents give consideration to a child’s age, mental maturity and temperament.
Before employing any discipline technique, parents and adults should keep in mind the values, customs and culture of the time.
Proper and timely communication with them is absolutely vital. Shouting and telling them off undermine their self-worth.
With increased importance on ‘positive parenting’ and gentleness at home as well as ‘assertive discipline’ in schools, children can sail through all three phases of development with a strong foundation of personal and social responsibility.
Education is the key
Education is the foundation for any community or nation to survive and succeed, especially in this competitive word. The knowledge and understanding of a people advance when reading habits are promoted.
Reading has been the key ingredient for civilisations to flourish. For centuries after the emergence of Islam, Muslims were pioneers in almost all areas of human knowledge until complacency and internal weaknesses put them behind Europe.
Home and family should now be the springboard of a Muslim renewal in knowledge and revitalisation of intrinsic energy. Mothers and fathers must step up and make their home exemplars of a real-life school or madrasah and put the education and character building of their children at the top of their parental tasks.
A few simple questions can be used to benchmark parents in this endeavour:
1. Is there a bookshelf at home?
2. Do children also have their own bookshelves?
3. Do they have enough books across a range of diverse topics?
4. Do parents themselves read books?
5. Are children encouraged to read?
6. Do children see their parents reading?
7. Do parents read with children and how often?
8. How do children react?
9. Do parents discuss books with them?
10. How often does a parent visit the local library with their child?
11. Can parents set up a book club in the area?
Conclusion
Believers are taught that Allah has made knowledge the foundation for the superiority of human beings over other creatures on Earth. The first word revealed to the Prophet Muhammad was ‘Iqra’, meaning ‘read’ or ‘recite’.
The Prophet said, “Seeking knowledge is obligatory for every Muslim” (Al-Tirmidhi). Knowledge thus goes hand in hand with the Islamic creed.
The emphasis on knowledge is something parents should instil in their children through positive parenting. Muslims are asked to seek knowledge by reading, learning, observing, reflecting and acting so that they can genuinely become Allah’s stewards on earth (Al-Qur’an 2:30). Home is the primordial human institution to raise children of Adam to the height of this status.
The post Raising Better Humans and Muslims: Parenting in Muslim Tradition appeared first on About Islam.
source https://aboutislam.net/shariah/shariah-and-humanity/shariah-and-life/raising-better-humans-and-muslims-parenting-in-muslim-tradition/
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